Rates of hate crimes and gun violence are at an all-time high. Unfortunately, chances are that you or someone you know has been impacted by senseless acts of violence. People of all ages, whether directly impacted or indirectly impacted, may be experiencing feelings of vulnerability and fear following the traumatic incidents.
Peer Support and Mental Health
Survivors of trauma are not always focusing on their mental health following an intense event. Peer support can be key to healing from trauma. Here are some things to keep in mind as you’re looking for ways to be supportive and helpful.
You Don’t Need All the Details to Provide Trauma Support
Respect each individuals’ privacy. The media and the public will be asking a lot of questions and wondering what’s happening throughout the trial. If someone involved in the process has confided in you, respect their right to share that information and don’t talk about it to other people. Similarly, don’t ask for details about it unless the person offers to speak about it–even if you have a good relationship with them!
Express Your Support in a Note
Notes, cards, and postcards can be non-intrusive ways to let someone know that you’re thinking of them during a difficult time. There is no pressure for them to respond or react on the spot, but they know that you care and are there for support if or when they need it.
Offer to Take Care of Specific Tasks While Victims Are Healing from Trauma
Often, when someone asks a general question like, “Can I do anything for you?” or “Do you need anything?” the other person is likely to decline–whether out of feeling like they don’t want to burden others or being overwhelmed by dealing with the needs right in front of them. Instead of asking a generic question, try making a specific offer: “How about I bring dinner over one night next week?” “Let me pick up your groceries this week so you don’t have to worry about that.” “Can I come and mow the lawn for you this week?” This takes the pressure off of the other person to have to think of something, lets them know you are serious about your offer, and helps them know they are not burdening you.
Deliver Something to Their Door
If you want to give them something tangible, put together a care basket with various fun and necessary items or get some fresh flowers or produce–then leave it at their door.
If you know that the person is a reader, show them you’re thinking of them by bringing them a fun, light book to read. If they are more of a movie person, send them a gift card to the movies to give them a chance to go. It will give them a welcome distraction and also remind them that they have people in their lives that know and care for them.
Similar to sending a note or card, this takes the pressure off of them to react to receiving a gift but shows them you care with something thoughtful and helpful.
Invite Them Out
Ask if they want to go on a walk or go get ice cream, tea, or coffee. As part of their support network, provides lots of opportunities to get outside and around others who become a part of their extended support network. Make sure to emphasize that there is no need for them to talk about anything serious but that you just want to give them a reason to get out the door and around some people. It can help them take their mind off things and be immersed in the friendliness of their neighborhood.
Do More Listening than Talking
When you do ask questions, keep them simple and general, rather than asking for details. Let them guide the conversation, and always do more listening than talking. Rather than giving them your opinion on things, let them know that you’re listening to them and you care about their feelings during this time.
Do Not Demand Responses to Calls, Texts, Emails
If you do communicate with someone via call, text, or email, let them know that there is no pressure for them to respond. Communicate to them that you are there for them and they can reach out if they want but there is no obligation to–and don’t take it personally if they don’t. During challenging times with heightened emotions, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by too much communication, and they may just need a break.
Do Not Decide What the Person Needs
If you know the person well, encourage them to be brutally honest with you on what they need and what will be helpful (and not helpful) to them through this process. If you don’t know the person well, don’t assume you know what they want or need–keep it simple and keep the pressure off of them to respond or reciprocate.
Always Be Kind
This is about them, not you. Remember that throughout the next few months, the people most impacted by a traumatic event will be experiencing a range of emotions and reactions. They won’t always make sense to you (or even to them), and they will likely need to consider their own emotions and needs first. Don’t take it personally. Continue to be kind and supportive, and keep in mind that this is not about you–it’s about them.
About JFCS Pittsburgh Counseling Services
Jewish Family and Community Services (JFCS) Pittsburgh provides a range of counseling services to
encourage and support the emotional well-being of its community through training, crisis support, and counseling. For more information call For more information please call JFCS Counseling Services at 412-521-3800 or visit www.jfcspgh.org/services/counseling-services.